InsaneJournal

This used to be a funhouse. [update via iphone]

I'm pretty sure I scared the crap out of Sash yesterday. I had a lot on my mind after Grace started pulling her self-pity bullshit and kind of stormed into the bar. Haha, I didn't even say hi, really, just stormed over to the sink area and washed as many glasses as I could find. Of course, Sash being Sash knew he could get me talking eventually, so I finally spilled and got everything off my chest. I feel better, I think. I dunno. Being at the bar always helps. It brings me closer to dad. I stuck around for a few hours after that, helping out behind the bar (aka I wanted to keep an eye on Broodypants), before RJ came and picked me up.

Sometimes, though, I wish I could get away from it all. I mean, I love working for the vet clinic, I love working for uncle Sash, but. Sometimes, I just want to get out and see the world. And maybe it's something I need to do. I just don't know if I want to do it without RJ, and he's got his own shit to handle with work and training.

I think I'll stop here for now, though, as impressive as my rambling is. Mostly because lunch break is almost over, and I still have another three hours here at the clinic.

Open to Leni/Nick
Ever had one of those moments where .. you just want to smack someone so hard that maybe they get a little bit of sense knocked back into them? Cause, I do. I have. And .. I'm not sure if I should feel bad about that, but .. I don't.

Private
I love my cousin. Dearly. I hate to see her upset, or heartbroken. I hate seeing her cry, knowing she's in pain. I guess I get that from mom. But I also hate this spiral of self-pity she's thrusting herself into, and .. I just want to knock some sense into her. Preferably with a very large frying pan. Maybe that's undeservedly bitchy of me, but for Christ's sake. She still has her family. So her boyfriend ran off to protect her. So what. So Mom and Sash protected my family from potential danger down the line. So the fuck what!

Yesterday, she accused me of knowing why she was so pissed off at mom. She's right. I do know. I do know what uncle Sash did for us. For this family. For Christ's sake, it's not like he went out and killed a priest in cold blood. He took out a threat to this family. Am I the only kid in this family that gets that? I must be, because .. I don't know. I don't know what Grace thinks would have happened if Sash hadn't taken action. Her dad might've gotten himself killed seeking revenge. Or, God-forbid this asshole who smacked her around and nearly killed his own son, have bought his way out of jail. Because South African prisons are so completely incorruptible, right? I mean, really.

And, you know. I understand she's hurting. But when she opens her mouth, or starts typing about shit she knows nothing about, it's like. I think of Dad. and Uncle Sash. And I think .. what if they'd had someone who had been able to protect them, like Sash does us? Everybody needs an angel on their shoulder, fallen or otherwise untarnished. We might still have a whole family, if someone could have taken preemptive measures and gotten to Dad's killers before they'd gotten to him. Before they nearly destroyed my uncle. So .. I guess I just can't side with Grace here. There's one person in all the world that I'm so completely proud of, that it stuns me. Okay, two. Mom too, but. How can I not be proud of Sash and what he's willing to do for his family?

He didn't have to tell me. Neither one of them did. I know who I am, I know who my family is. I know that I can still be good, and do good, and still be proud of where I come from.

I just hope Grace doesn't do something stupid. Angry or not, I don't want to lose anyone else in this family. Brother, cousin, aunt, uncle. The Jamesons and Cavanaughs have lost enough. And Grace had better sit down, and figure that the hell up before she loses the baby, or worse.